Today I wake up, ready and willing for this. I know that this was meant for me, this new beginning. Even through my previous experiences, I know I still have much to learn. This company, it has been going for years before my time, before my parents, and yet here it stands, still growing. Now, here I stand ready to pass this threshold; I am so overwhelmed by the atmosphere. My job has a brief description of my duties, but between the lines reads so much more.
Training goes fairly quickly, it seems like I ask too many questions. Fact, I know I ask too many questions. I just don’t want to blow this chance. My second chance at a better future. I try to soak up everything, too fast, too much, I think I am going to burst. These people ask so much from me, and yet I know nothing of how to handle their needs. As I stare blankly at my computer screen I tell myself, ‘focus, don’t you dare break down, this is your chance, don’t screw this up’!
Lunchtime rears it’s much appreciated head, but where to go? This area is still too fresh in my mind, I haven’t a clue where to go. As I start to drive, I see a McDonald’s, so I pull up to the drive. I don’t want to get off, I don’t want to eat alone, alone with my thoughts. I’m on the verge of breaking down, I need a friend’s reassurance. This work load, too much, I cannot learn fast enough. I cannot get through this, day! Suddenly panic hits me, I cannot breathe right, I feel a haze come over me. Darkness settles around my eyes, I may faint. I try to steady my breathing. The haze slowly passes, as I clear my thoughts of losing this job. Clear my thoughts of what I am to do if I get fired; how will I pay my bills, how will I face my parents, how will I face Garu…’No!, I tell myself, ‘Don’t go there, it’s just your first day, it’s okay to not know anything’. I get my food and eat in the car parked outside my new job.
I sit watching all the workers go about their duties, totally unaware of my insecurities. Blind to my anxieties. With a full stomach, I head inside with a clearer mind set. I can do this. This is it, my chance to throw out my past work horrors. This place, is different, I can feel it. I have to push towards my greatness. I will prevail, God knows I need to.
To Be Continued…