Discussion Time!

So far I have posted 1-4 Chapters of ‘Under The Floorboards’. With each word that gets typed, I create an ‘ad lib’ chapters. That being said how have everything turned out for you as the reader? Do you find this series drawing you from word to word? I want to know what you guys think of how the tones sound, if the way it is being written make sense. I want to know so I can become a better writer.

I’ve found when I have written things well enough to post, I grow sleepy. Right now I am working on the 5th chapter and I have never been so sleepy. Tell me, do the chapter need to be longer? I find my questions forever unanswered, and I have no way to better myself without knowing. I have many more chapters to come and I want to not only bring readers with anticipation but the hunger that craves and feeds off of words.

Let me know what you think of this book in the making. If you haven’t read it check it out! Click below for what chapters you want to read:

Chapter One: You

 Chapter 2: Unearthed

Chapter 3: No Place Like Home

Chapter 4: Special Someone

5 thoughts on “Discussion Time!

  1. I completely understand where you’re coming from. With me, personally, when I proofread my own writing, I miss out on a lot of details that need to be edited. In some authors, I’ll notice errors that are probably the same mistakes that I make that go unnoticed by me. So, forgive me if I sound like some sort of hypocrite, OK?

    I think with your story, you do a lot of telling instead of showing. It’s a problem that I have too. Maybe we can find a way to improve on this together. Your chapters go by really fast. Slow a moment down, so that readers can get a sense of the characters more. I don’t really feel a connection or any feeling, negative or positive, for any of the characters. There’s a lot of whys that I ask in the story when it comes to their thoughts and actions. Expanding more on their thoughts would help a bit for readers to understand their motivations behind their actions. There are some grammar issues as well, although tedious, can be easily fixed. Hope that helps.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. This helps a lot! Thank you. Can you be more specific on certain parts that you wanted more? What questions did you have? That way I can answer them in future chapters. They maybe questions other readers are having. What more are you wanting out of the characters? Let me know.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I’ll be using chapter 2 to explain what my comment meant, if that’s alright.

        In chapter 2, in the scene where Sara is surrounded by a lot of people, maybe you can reference who is speaking. For example, “Sara are you ok?” asked someone to my right. Just a little simple detail will do, so that readers know who you’re referring to. If it was just two people speaking, not mentioning who they are after the first time is fine. You have too many people in that scene and Sara’s voice gets lost in them. Does that make sense? It was chaotic and I like the dialogue you had going on there to show that, but I couldn’t tell when Sara was speaking for a bit there. In chapter 2 you have “Oh the lights, everything is so bright, where am I? It’s so cold, my head hurts. There’s the flashlight, ‘get that out of my face’.”, I think you can break these into even smaller sentences, that way it’ll read better. For example:

        Oh, the lights, everything is so bright. Where am I? It’s so cold and my head hurts. There’s a flashlight directed into my eyes. It creates stars before me. I reached for it slowly with a trembling hand to get it out of my face.

        Slow that moment down in the classroom, just a little. For example, in the line “Everyone’s face is scared, curious, all wanting answers but, I don’t know how I will face anyone again.”, instead of saying just scared, you can describe how Sara’s classmates faces look like. Are their eyes big, are they rapidly talking among themselves about her, etc. What do they look like? Why does Sara feel like she can’t face them ever again?

        Another scene that you can expand on is the one between Sara and Allan at home. It’s supposed to be an important moment between them.

        In general, everything is happening so fast, especially the first two chapters. I wasn’t invested in Sara’s worries because of it. Yes, her situation is scary, and I know you’re purposely trying to have Sara’s past be mysterious with her not wanting to talk about it, but a little more detail goes a long way. Not about the mystery of Sara’s past. That, I’m fine with being a mystery at the moment. Just Sara as a character and Allan too. What is it about Allan that makes Sara open up to him so much? She says that she doesn’t open up to others easily and that she’s hard to read, but in one night she told him everything about her kidnapping in the third chapter. She did all that, but at the end of the second chapter she was avoiding the subject, saying how she didn’t want to relive it. What changed? Yes, he saw her get kidnapped but, still, what does she see in him? It doesn’t have to be anything big, considering they just met. Just one little detail will do.

        I forgot to add you mix up your tenses up a lot. In one sentence, you write in both past and present tense. It can be kind of awkward at times.

        I mentioned it in my comment of chapter 1 before, and I’ll just touch on it again. I don’t think you should use the third person “you” in the narration too much. It can get confusing when you have another “you” in the same sentence but with a different meaning to it. A character’s name would do just as well. I know why you, as the author, put in the third person “you” in your writing. It’s to make it seem like Sara is internally talking to Allan, but there are too many yous. It gets overwhelming at times.

        I will say though, that your attention to detail and Sara’s thoughts did get better after chapter 2. In Chapter 3, you summarized Sara’s time when she was kidnapped. Will you be touching more on it later as you continue to write or is that it? Will you be showing the same horrors of Sara’s past as that of the present as she gets kidnap again? These little hints of her past add more to her, because you see her resilience towards her kidnappers. It makes her more intriguing as a character, when before I just found her whole situation interesting, not her herself.

        Oh, you mentioned in one of the chapters about her parents. Will you be talking more about them?

        By the way, sorry for the long comment. I really do like your writing and the story is interesting. I just think you need a little more detail here and there.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. no I love this comment so much. This is what I need. Thank you for taking the time to use some of the lines in previous chapters as a reference.

        I myself have issues with what point of view I’m telling the story in. So that “Yous” are hard to place, but I am trying to get better at that.

        As far as the why she opens up to Allen so easily is the issue Sara is dealing with in Chapter 5. I also have been contemplating on how long the chapters should be, so with your feedback I will make them longer to fit in details. But hopefully the majority of your questions will be answered by chapter 5.

        Thank you so much for your feedback and advice. I will work on everything you mentioned, and soon the mystery will be solved.

        Liked by 1 person

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